Dummy’s Guide to Avoid #Rape (last one is most important)

Disclaimer: These are just my views, loaded with SARCASM, use or apply at your own risk. 
 
Yes we all know its a hot topic, following #UBER incident, and many others reported and many more unreported.
 
First and foremost we should look at the figures reported by the police department. The number is increasing and at an alarming rate. There is only one way of bringing the figure down: do not report (think of the larger good of the society, lesser reported rapes, lesser angst, happier society, happier police, happier politicians, happier you, so what if you have been raped). If you report, you are responsible for the increasing number of rape cases as reported by the police.
 
So how to avoid it in the first place. 
 
1. Don’t take public transport: Ya, simple, why do you keep complaining about molestation. Who told you to use public transport? We have made it amply clear with subtle hints by reserving only 2-3 seats on buses for you and only a couple of seats on trains but if you do not take the hint, why blame others. Buy your own car. If you can’t afford, not our problem. Avoid public transport, it is not meant for you. If you do take it – rape. Avoid autos, taxis, metro etc. Get your own car. 
 
2. Don’t go to parties: have you not read enough in papers about rapes after parties. Who told you to go there. Remember you are a woman. You are not supposed to step out. You can significantly reduce your chances of getting raped by not going to parties. You see, men will get drunk and then do all sort of things then don’t blame them later for doing anything wrong. You were there and it was your fault.
 
3. Don’t go to work: Quit your job. It will have three benefits, you can watch all saas bahu serials which will show you your place in the society (that you are a woman), no more boss and above all no more rape. You see, male employees are men after all and they also have feelings, what if they feel like raping you in office. You not being there will again reduce or eliminate your chances of getting raped.
 
4. Don’t wear whatever you wear: This is where you are to blame the most. Who told you to wear that saree (are you trying to show off your tummy), or salwar kameez (your neck shows), or tops or jeans (showing your legs) or jackets (are you trying to be smart). You do not know you are arousing men by wearing what ever you are wearing. There is a reason why burqa or purdah was institutionalized. Please follow.
 
5. Don’t step out at all: This would be the solution to all problems. If you don’t step out, nobody sees you, nobody rapes you. Wait but that is also not fool proof. We have heard of relatives raping as well. So its best to have no interaction with males. You have to figure out how, at the end of the day you are being raped not men and its not their fault.
 
6. Last and 100% safe- don’t be born at all as a woman: You were born as a female, its not anybody’s fault but yours. You are calling for rape if you are a female (especially in India). So, don’t be born as a woman in the first place. No woman, no rape. 
 
There are some over-educated people in the society who make suggestions like safe public transport, equality, stricter laws, more police protection, safety wardens, sex education, etc. but they live in another world. We know all this is not possible (especially in India so don’t dream otherwise. If you don’t want to get raped follow the 6 easy steps listed above and you can have a free, fulfilling and happy life. 
 
If you think otherwise, please write back or share.
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