Disclaimer: This is supposedly my first post on marketing/ advertising (supposedly used just like that-a heavy word in the first line of the post supposedly creates a good impression). There will be whole lot of them. I am no expert at marketing but I studied marketing management and then working for many many years with Unilever and Citi has taught me some things. Whatever I write are my views and I have not been paid by any company or political party etc to do so. Sarcasm is guaranteed.
One of the category that has me intrigued is the pan masala category. I am not a consumer but given the size of the industry and the interesting advertising, this article was on my mind for a long time.
Now there are various products (all with men in context) which would make you confident, fairer, stronger, make you more successful in life, look better, get the girl, more potent in bed and make you last longer etc and then there is pan masala which does all this. Pan Masala hence it the end all be all of all that a man needs.
Have a big presentation: have pan masala (brand irrelevant, we would come to what and how to choose).
Not getting a girl: have pan masala.
Want to win an olympic gold medal: have pan masala.
Want to perform well overseas: have Rajnigandha pan masala (specializes in overseas performance and angrezon ki lene mein maahir).
Wasted all these years of my life studying hard and then working my ass off to make a decent living. Had I started pan masala in college, I would not be writing this blog, rather buying some company or an island.
Now coming to pan masala advertising. It has always been interesting. It always told me to have it but never told me why in the younger days and that is why I missed out (pan parag Ashok Kumar and Shammi Kapur ad). Baratiyon ka swagat pan parag se kijiye. Ok done. (one more thing that I want to touch upon is that all their advertising is and will always be male centric as that is their target audience and subtly but surely shows women as the weaker sex).
Shudh plus pan masala: punch line says “Tumme bhi main hoon”. I have tried hard, spent sleepless nights, referred many a books to understand and comprehend what this phrase means but have failed to comprehend. Even as a marketer, i tried to peel the layers and wanted to understand the insight behind this but in vain. All said and done, this product also does everything that a man desires.
Pan vilas pan masala: Shauk badi cheez hai. This one makes you feel like royalty with girls coming and hugging you. You just need to have the shauk of having pan masala which i missed out on. You better start early and also ensure your kids start in school.
Kamla Pasand: Another all rounder, make you good at everything like board meetings, wooing a girl, running, good human being etc. Sure shot fool proof product which has a single minded message of Anokha Swad.
Vimal Pan Masala: This product has the blessings of our very own Ajay Devgn. Want to be as successful, start eating today. To top it all, it would give you great health as “dane dane mein kesar ka dum”. (kesar was on and off in their ads due to some compliance issues).
Now you see, only if you and me had started consuming this magical pan masala earlier in life, we would have been sipping wine on an island rather than writing this or reading this blog.
Grow up losers and start eating PAN MASALA: Tumme bhi main hoon (sounds very gay)…imagine.