Disclaimer: This article is best viewed on an #iPhone 6. Those who don’t have the device, please log off right now and go home (i say go home because i assume if you don’t have an #iPhone 6 yet you are probably at a cyber cafe (yes i mean it, cyber cafe) trying to read this blog which is not meant for you.
Now lets talk of the breed who spent INR 53500/- rather wasted INR 53500/- on something else but did not buy an #iPhone 6. (RIP Jobs)
Another Disclaimer: Below information is totally based on a survey which was conducted yesterday (on Dhanteras, the auspicious day to buy #iPhone 6). Also a note to the #Apple India team, who thought of the timing of India launch. It should have been 21st Oct 2014 (Dhanteras) and not 17th Oct 2014. You would have sold out all your stuff (well they did anyway but wasn’t it a smart observation-assume a cool emoticon here with glasses on, i was not able to find one on my laptop).
Out team of correspondents and I spoke to 10 losers on the auspicious occasion of Dhanteras and here is how they wasted their hard earned money.
First Loser: Yeh bhai sahab ne bike kharidi. (He did such a waste of money that he does not even deserve my English which is good, you know it). He bought a Hero bike on which he wants to go around with his family and kids. God help him and give him some brains. Think of the risk associated, followed by hospital expenses, fuel charges, maintenance, service etc. This is fake happiness, bike for family, huh. Imagine, can he do face time with his family on his bike. Forget this fool, lets move on.
Second Loser: This one happens to be my friend (maybe not anymore) (and i am ashamed of him, i will fight with him more often now- his wife is cute though). He wasted INR 53500/- and instead of buying the #iPhone 6, he got his house painted (imagine that too #Asian paints Royale). Kids will scribble again, walls will get dirty again, colour will fade. For such a temporary pleasure he decided to not buy the #iPhone 6. Next time i go into his house, i will ask him if i can logon to my FB account using his freshly painted wall (ha, loser). I dont want to waste any more time on this guy.
Third Loser: His henious act should win a award for stooping down the lowest. He booked a 4 nights holiday package for himself and his wife for INR 53500/- and didn’t buy an #iPhone 6. Marriage will not last, holiday will be forgotten and also if you do not have an #iphone 6 how would you click and share your selfies. No body would know that you are on a holiday. Whats the use loser. Go waste time with your wife while the smarter ones will have an #iPhone 6.
Fourth Loser: He decided to buy gold for INR 53500/- (waste money). everyone wears gold, how would you stand out loser, there is nothing to flaunt in a new gold chain. Its no use, wasted investment. The jeweller has already fleeced you with making charges. You should have thought before wating money on Gold of all the things. Now even #iPhone 6 is available in Gold. Can you talk on your gold necklace, can you play candy crush. Now its too late, you are doomed.
Fifth Loser: By the time i went on to interview this guy, I was so furious that he was shit scared, he ran away else i would have beaten him up. He wasted INR 53500/- on buying gifts for his family members. Bloody heartless guy, didnt even think of #iPhone 6 even once before wasting money on such stupid gifts. I mean there is no happiness bigger than sending out a mail or message with a signature “Sent from my #iPhone 6”. Try doing that with your gifts. It wont happen you loser.
Rest all were running away but i caught hold of one more. He was the Sixth loser: Must be a Korean in Indian skin. He bought a Samsung Mobile Phone. He was beaten black and blue by the people around when they heard of the same. They were abusing him while shouting #Steve Jobs Zindabad.
I am sure you are smarter and not a loser like these ten guys and you know better what to do with your hard earned INR 53500/-. Don’t waste it on gifts for family, getting house painted, buying a bike or a holiday or gold and don’t ever get caught buying a samsung.
Go out there and buy a new #iPhone 6 and feel happy about it for 6 months till #iPhone 6S arrives. (Trade secret: do not share- the best feature of #iPhone 6 is that if you hold it upside down it will become #iPhone 9 and no one will know three years later)
One more disclaimer: this article was thought and created on an #iPhone 6. (I am so cool.)