“8 Simple steps to get 78% of friends on FB to be Females” Step 7 is “Most important.”
Let me put things into perspective first. Why was it important for me to achieve that number? I was born in a middle class family in a small town (well this might not have any connection to the subject but just saying), went to a boys school, then a college which had 6 girls in a batch of 180 and then for my management studies where ratios were not very favourable either.
So I have always been deprived of the other gender by design or by default. Well had to do something about it (you see I am not a loser), (you might think otherwise looking a the topic of this blog but I feel happy with the accomplishment).
So this is how I went about it and you should too. Lets start the “How to Guide”: How to get 78% of your friend on FB to be females? (the other gender can read and implement it the other way round)
Step 1: Have a FB account: While I said point 7 is most important, this is make or break. You should have a FB account. If you don’t have one you can’t be reading this as I got most of the page views for my first blog through FB. Also if you don’t have one you are such a loser, what meaning do you have for your life, I mean you don’t have a FB account. Nonetheless, have a FB account. (#Mark this is free advertising for you on a #Google platform)
Step 2: Remember the ratios: Now that you have a FB account start adding people, not at random, there is a logic, for every 22 males you add, add 78 females. (Do you think this is that simple.). In all probability all of 22 guys will accept the invitation and none or 2% of females will accept your invitation (some out of pity some out of confusion). At that acceptance rate you would have to send out 5000 friend requests to girls for every 22 guys.
Step 3: Don’t get blacklisted: If you send out 5000 requests and most of them are declined then you will be blacklisted by FB (yes there is such a thing and I have been subjected to this not once, not twice but many times). Its a humiliating experience that you are blocked and cant send a friend request to anyone for an uncertain period. (I used that time to study or sometimes meet my friends). The idea is to not get blacklisted. Don’t get into depression as there are ups and downs in any career (I am assuming you don’t have any other full time job other than FB)
Step 4: Use your cousins/ sisters: Even if you have never had girls in your life, God has been kind to you and has given you beautiful cousins some of which are girls. Start interacting with them, meet their friends and check their names, full names please and then follow the next step. Remember not to speak to them beyond asking their names else you are doomed.
Step 4: Instant gratification: Whenever you meet a girl (whether by accident or through your smarter friend), ensure you take the full name and send a friend request then and there. Given the benefit of doubt, she would accept as she would not have interacted much with you and would not know what a loser you are. Remember keep it instant.
Step 5: Never write back: Once befriended, never write back, remember NEVER, else she would know your low levels of intelligence and high levels of desperation and would click the much dreaded UNFRIEND button and the ratios would go for a toss. Also it would mean going all over again to get the count going.
Step 6: Mutual Friends: Even if FB friend suggestion shows 1 mutual friend, you have every right to send a friend request to that girl. Even if there are no mutual friends and there is a suggestion from FB, go ahead and send the friend request. After all you did not search for it, it was suggested to you. If one of the decent girls ask you if we are acquainted, reply back by saying it showed as a FB suggestion and she is free to reject. Most are not mean enough to reject your request and there you have one more female friend.
Step 7: Most Important: I mentioned the fact that step 7 is most important because most articles which give such disclaimers (e.g. see amazing pics, no. 10 is my favourite) have a higher click rate (CTR), three times the average CTR hence it was a must. You would atleast open and scroll down to no. 7. Well this was a dummy step. Now the next one which is most important.
Step 8: Keep at It: Keep repeating steps 1 to 6 till you hit the magical no. of 5000 friends (thats the limit on no. of friends you can have) on FB (this will take many years, by that time ever your grandchildren will be on FB) with 1100 male friends and 3900 female friends.
There you have it, 78% of friends as females on FB in 8 simple steps. Share with all for the betterment of other smarter people.
I am also adding an interesting picture (which gives you an idea about the %) of mine with some “FEMALE” friends (hope they don’t mind)(the guy in turban in the picture is me, rest are girls) as blogs with pictures have a higher chance of being opened and read.
Love you FB for making my life so colourful.
Ok i’ll say it! You are hilarious without being useful. That’s the toughest path to humour 🙂
Thanks J Ram. Just embarked on the journey and this is my second post. Will be regular for sure. Keep reading and share if you like.
Nice one Jasmeet. Loved reading it.. hilarious 🙂
I think it should be 9 steps…please include a well written blog as well 🙂
Thanks Uma, yes % is improving.
Hilarious. Hilarious. Hilarious. .. like ur style of writing. .
I never checked or felt the need to check the ratio of male:female friends on fb account … but the thought is provoking
Even I don’t know the ratio, there is no app that tells you unless one is desperate enough to sit and count. It’s a fictional number.
I really liked the tone of your writing, the sarcasm in it is subtle and not really harsh, which i believe is difficult to get, i really liked Point 7 and concept of CTR !! Great Work !! 🙂
Thanks Shweta. You will find some other articles more sarcastic. Read and give feedback.
This was just too good.im not saying it should be the ultimate aim.of ne guy or girl but it was too funny.sardars rock.they are the ultimate yo guys.most fun to be with.please add me as one more female friend.but meri ek shart hai.be within friends limit nhi to ill send a rakhi to you
Thanks for the appreciation Priya. This is just a sarcastic take on what everyone tries to do on social, they seek approval of others and meaning of success has become shallow and this is one example of it. And yet I shall add you as a friend, rakhi or no rakhi.
But don’t know where to send the friend request.